Master Debating Tips

James Taranto in yesterday's Best of the Web: (emphasis ours)

Someone at the New York Times op-ed page has a sense of humor. Today the page features a piece by Al Gore titled "How to Debate George Bush."

Gore, who had a reputation as a master debater before his bizarre behavior in 2000's three televised debates with then-Gov. Bush, seems to have learned little from his experience.

Seems like someone at the Wall Street Journal has a sense of humor, too. (Don't you think that kind of punditry belongs in the Personal Journal section, not on the opinion page, James?)

We liked Taranto's angle though, and thought we'd put together an alternate letter from Al Gore to John Kerry, where Al can pass on his pearls master-debating wisdom:

John,

First off I know how it feels to have the butterflies going into these debates, just shake it off, cause you're going to do great. You're going to walk out on stage, shake hands with Mr. President, and knock down those questions like you was shooting skeet with voters in Iowa! Pull! Shoot!

But... I'm not just writing to stroke your ego. There are some things I think you should focus on, so please don’t get mad, I'm just here to lend a helping hand.

Your constant vacillation on the issues is like watching a one-man-tug-of-war, and you need to pull the handbrake on the long winded organ-solo answers to simple questions.

You're a smart man, with at least a five-to-one advantage in the brains dept, but Bush will cream you if you can't make a personal connection with the folks at home.

Use the ol' politician's staple of talking about your conversations with an average citizen: "Yesterday I was visiting with Mrs. Rosy Palm and her five daughters, who like so many Americans I meet every day are struggling to make ends meet in George Bush's economy." You know the bit!

You're sagging the polls, so you need start thinking about women voters and how to bring them back in to your column. You need to assure these so-called "security moms" that while you may walk softly, you still carry a big stick.

Anyhoo, I'm sure you'll do great out there. Look, you've come this far, and for that you should give yourself a hand; but don't get cocky.

I'll be out today at a fundraiser over at the temple, but you can reach me on my cell. I'll make sure to search out a statue while I'm there and rub the Buddha for good luck.

Let's toss the boss on Nov. 2!
Al

UPDATE James Taranto was on PBS's "Crashing the Parties" last night. We've posted a clip of his brief appearance here.